Why Blog?

I was first introduced to blogging in 2008, when I was in the process of adopting a child from Kazakhstan. There are tons of adoption blogs, and I kept one of my own. It was through my blog, and reading the blogs of others, that I met many people who had, or were in the process of, adopting from Kazakhstan as well. I consider many of them to be dear friends, even though, in most cases, we've never met in person. I ended up not pursuing the adoption, and I have never gone back and read through my blog. Even though I'm sure that I made the right decision, the memories are bittersweet, and it's not something I choose to talk much about, or that I want to read about right now. I am glad that the blog exists though, because it documents a very important time in my life, a time that had a lot to do with the person I am today.

There is clearly a large audience for adoption blogs, but I used to wonder why people blogged about other things. Recipes, ok, crafts, ok. But who wants to read about someone's life just because she's a stay-at-home mom with 4 kids...my mom was just that for many years, and she didn't write a book about it. In the same way, why would anyone want to read about my struggles with weight? The answer is, maybe they do, maybe they don't, but that's not really the point. Sure, I hope that my story helps someone else who is struggling with overeating (or any other addiction, really), and yes, it would be nice for my ego to think that this was being read by thousands of fans around the world. But in the end, this is all about me.

My adoption blog was the story of 8 months of my life...a very important, pivotal 8 months, but 8 months nonetheless. This blog, although it is focusing on my current W30 (right now), is the story of my life, as I perceive it, and I find writing it very therapeutic. If you asked people to describe me, I'm sure you'd get a wide range of answers: worries too much, helpful, nosy, smart, crazy dog lady, kind, goody two-shoes, doting aunt, responsible, punctual, impatient, etc. If you asked me to describe myself, I'd say shy. That may seem strange to some of you, if you don't know me that well. Academically and professionally I've always been very confident. I've never minded speaking in public, and at WW meetings I never shut up! Socially though, I consider myself to be shy. I remember being out with my best friend when we were probably in our early 20's. We were at a bar and she said to me, "You look like you want to kill someone." What I really wanted to do was go home and hide. In those types of situations, I've always felt like I was being judged, and that I wasn't pretty enough, wasn't funny enough and, of course, wasn't thin enough. My weight, and how it made me feel about myself, has played a huge role in my personality, and the course my life has taken. I said that I lost my weight this time because I didn't want my weight to be "the issue" anymore. What I've learned is that, no matter how thin I am, it will ALWAYS be a HUGE part of my life. The question, do I wish I had always been thin, is a difficult one to answer. Of course I think that my life would've been a lot easier, and in some ways better, than it has been. However, I am very happy with the life I have, and with the person I've become. For better or for worse, this struggle has made me who I am.