Do You "Fat Talk"??

I read an interesting article today. It cited a study done with college-age women which showed that women do not like when other women make disparaging remarks about their own bodies (for example, call themselves fat.) This doesn't surprise me in some ways, because when people do it around me, I feel obligated to try to convince them that it's not true (always a losing battle.) On the other hand, it seems to be something that women do so often, that I would think that we wouldn't be that effected by hearing it from someone else.

The thing I realized is that I "fat talk" more now that I'm NOT fat than I did when I was, and I know exactly why. When I was heavy, "fat talking" would've simply been pointing out the obvious. If I said out loud, "Ugh, I look so fat in this dress", I felt that everyone would turn and look at me (mortifying enough) and think, "Yeah, you do." So I sat by while my thin friends called themselves fat, and never said a word. I wonder if it felt strange to them for me to not commiserate...the article mentions fat talk as a form of female bonding. Or if they stopped to realize how it must sound for them to call themselves fat in front of me? I was, however, able to understand what they meant on some level...when you're thin and then your size 2 jeans don't fit, you freak out. I understood it for them...I was just different. Very different.

Now that I am not fat, I guess I'm in the same category as my thin friends were back then. I am more willing to say that I look or feel fat (although I still don't think I say that I AM fat because, again, been there, done that, know it's not true.) I am more willing to talk about my struggles now, because I'm in a safer place. I do not think that most people who see me think that I am fat. I don't think they think I'm thin either, but that's fine, I just want to be normal. Therefore, I can admit that I gained 14 lbs in 6 weeks and not feel like I'm being judged because, even with that gain, I was still wearing size 6 pants (albeit not ALL of them, and not the least bit comfortably.)

I was looking at bathing suits online today. I wear a size 10 bathing suit. As I was scrolling through one site I thought, "Why are all of these models full-figured?" (and I admit, I didn't use the term full-figured in my head...see, even I'm guilty of being judgemental.) Then I saw that "plus-size" bathing suits are considered size 10 and up. Really?!? I had searched for swimdresses, because one of the bathing suits I just got has a little ruffle-like skirt, and I love it. Apparently, the only people who don't want their entire thigh sticking out are size 10 and up, and we are "plus-sized." My Mom often reminisces about when she was at her thinnest...she was tall and thin, and a size 12 (I think...I know it was double digits.) Something is really screwed up. A size 12 back then was not a size 12 now. They've made small sizes bigger to make us feel better, but then tell me that my size 10 bathing suit is "plus-size." Right after that, I took my size 10 self in my new swimdress to the pool, and my sister-in-law commented that she could tell I'd lost, "a lot of weight." So there, stupid people who decide this stuff!

This will be the last full week of my W30 (but don't worry, I'm not finished there!) I'm not sure if I'll weigh myself, take pictures or measurements on Day 30, or if I'll wait until I'm totally done. Despite what the scale says, I KNOW that my body has changed. I tried on one of the bathing suits that I bought last Sunday that I was thinking of returning. In just a week, it looks a lot better and, dare I say it, my waist looks small??

Easy recipe that I made for dinner tonight (my goal is to not shop this week, and just eat what I have...that's not gonna happen, but I'm still determined to get rid of a lot of stuff without buying much): sauté chunks of chicken in olive oil with some coconut aminos (soy sauce substitute.) Cut sundried tomatoes in half and add to chicken (include the oil the tomatoes are in.) Saute until the chicken is cooked through. YUM! And I didn't think I liked sundried tomatoes...