I Had Sugar!!

Don't get too excited...it was in Pepto Bismol. I realized last night that the pains I'd been attributing to hunger were actually heartburn. I came to that conclusion after eating all kinds of random (on-plan) stuff last night, because I thought I was hungry. I was on the phone with my Mom, and we figured out that it was probably heartburn. I took the last of the Pepto that I keep in the house for Annie (one of my bassets), and then got more on the way to work this morning. It seems to be hitting me late afternoon for the past 3 days, and I'm not sure why. I'm worried that it is from the large iced coffees I've been drinking, and I just can't accept that. I've given up everything, am I really expected to give up coffee too?? Anyway, the ingredients in Pepto Bismol are all kinds of unidentifiable things, most of which I'm sure I'm not supposed to have, and xanthum gum...another name for sugar. The W30 makes allowances for health-related things that you might have to take, and I'm not too worried that I'll start satisfying my sugar cravings by drinking Pepto, so it's all good.

I am tired of this...there, I said it. In the car on the way home I actually considered stopping after 30 days, rather than continuing until August 10th or 11th. Just the fact that I'm so anxious to be done is an indication to me that I am probably not ready to stop. I was trying to figure out what I wanted for dinner, and sushi and pizza came to mind. I did NOT want anything I can have. I didn't even want Saladworks, so it wasn't simply that I didn't want to cook (although, when it's 1,000 degrees out, does anyone really want to cook?) I'm making roasted carrots with hamburgers, but I am not the least bit excited about it. I'm eating because I have to eat. I feel like I'm just eating random foods throughout the day, rather than meals. Part of that is because I didn't do a big shop this week, or a big cook, so I have very little in the house. The other reason is that I'm not hungry for big meals, so I graze throughout the day (which I'm not supposed to do, but it's freakin' hot, and this is the best I can do now.) It might sound silly, but I think this plan is much easier to do in cool weather...unless you want to eat salads all day long, this plan is not chock full of "light" options.

I'm surprised that I'm feeling kind of negative about things this time, since I was SO excited about the whole thing in April. I don't know why I'm experiencing things differently this time. I have had some weight-loss, although it doesn't seem to be as dramatic as in April. I have not had any night sweats since the first week, and that is a huge thing for me, mainly because it freaks me out that it seems like something in my food makes me have night sweats! Energy, eh. Mood, pretty good. I think my cough is actually allergies, not a cold, so that's making me not thrilled, and now this heartburn oh, and my shoulder hurts again... I don't think any of these things are CAUSED by the plan, but they are just things that are not allowing me to feel 100% wonderful. I think my expectations were also higher this time, because I (thought) I knew what to expect. I'm going to push through, because I know that if I don't I will be upset with myself. I also feel that if I stop now I could easily go off the deep end again, and I don't want that to happen.