Did I Really Ever Look Like That?

A friend of mine posted the picture on the left on FB today. I'm thankful that she didn't tag anyone! I'm guessing that it was taken in 1992/93 when I was 19 or 20 and a Sophomore in college. I have no idea how much I weighed at that point...I don't know that I ever weighed myself when I was in college. The 2nd picture was taken 9 months after I hit my goal at WW, in August of 2010. I probably weighed about 135 there, maybe 13 lbs less than I weigh now. At that point, I was also going to the gym an average of 5 days a week.

I don't really know how I feel when I look at those pictures. I am sad for the girl on the left, and proud of the girl on the right, but I don't feel like either of them are me. I am pretty sure that I will never look like either of those people again. I would love to look like the girl on the right, but I'm 3 years older than she is, and I don't know if I'll ever get as dedicated to exercise again. I pray that I'll never look like the girl on the left. I honestly don't even know her. How did I get to be that big? How did I let myself? Why did I wear horizontal stripes, and a perm? Really??

The truth is that I am both of those people, and they are both still alive and well. I want to eat like the one on the left, but look like the one on the right...unfortunately, that's not an option. So I float somewhere in the middle, leaning way to the right most of the time. I wish that the girl on the right had been around when I was growing up, but she made her appearance pretty late. I'm hoping that means that she's well rested, and will stick around.

I feel very relieved now that I made the decision to end my W30 on Tuesday, after 30 days. I am VERY anxious to be done, but at this point I'm going to finish what I started. I never thought I'd be happy to only have a one day weekend this week (Sunday), but the weekends are always the hardest, and one day I can handle. I'm going to be reading up on the WW Simply Filling plan. It seems sort of like the love child of WW and W30. You eat filling foods, like whole grains, lean meats, non-fat dairy, fruits and vegetables until you're full, without tracking. For everything else, you have 49 points a week to use as you wish (peanut butter shake float with vanilla ice cream anyone???) I can also earn activity points to use if I choose. I love the idea of continuing to eat healthy, unprocessed foods, but with fewer restrictions, and not having to weigh, measure and count. I also like the idea of having the freedom to make some less virtuous choices, but within reason. I need to go through my old books to make sure that I understand it completely. It's what I'm leaning towards trying right now.

I did not eat enough of the right stuff today...I had a hard-boiled egg, some almonds, and pineapple for breakfast, and then a salad for lunch. I brought in a container of dates to leave at work. People leave stuff, like pretzels and granola bars, and I wanted something I could have. I also figured I'd be less tempted by them at work than at home. The problem was that I was hungry after my salad, and didn't have anything else to eat (oh, I'd eaten my grapes already), so I ate too many dates. Still better than raiding the snack box I guess...baby steps.