I was all set to post after my weigh-in last Friday and tell you all how great I had done. I felt so good and in control, and then...I had gained 0.2 pounds. I know that's nothing, but it was disappointing. I had gone way over my weekly points because I didn't decide to get back on the WW plan until Saturday night, but I still thought I had overcome that. I have been tracking every day this week, but I'm over my weekly points again. The main culprit is desserts over the weekend. My plan was to just have ice cream one night, but that didn't happen. Even though I'm tracking it, I think it's just too much, and it's not leaving me with any wiggle room at all during the week, whether I track or do SF. In both cases, I need the 49 points (and whatever I earn at the gym, which is not much) if I want a treat or a snack or a higher point meal. If I use them up by Saturday, it makes the rest of the week very difficult. I'm still trying to figure this all out, which is strange, since I've been doing it for 4 years (this time...25 years on and off!) The other thing I'm wrestling with is whether the suggested goal of 26 points a day is realistic for me. On the one hand, I think that the fewer points I eat, the more quickly I will lose weight. However, I also think that if I increase my goal by a few points a day, it might make me feel more satisfied, and allow me to dip into my weekly 49 a little bit less. Still not sure about that one. When WW first switched to the Points Plus plan, I got 29 points. Then one day, they decided it was 26. I'm not sure why, but those 3 points are HUGE!!
A friend told me today that she was out walking the other day, and felt so great, and proud of herself for losing 30 lbs (which she did about 3 years ago, I believe.) I said that I feel very disconnected from my weight loss at this point. I said that I don't relate to either my before or after picture, because I'm somewhere in between. That's part of it, but I also lost my weight almost 4 years ago. It seems like forever. I've kept off 30 of those pounds, and I can't really remember how it felt to lose the weight. At the same time, I do still feel like a fat person in a normal sized body. It doesn't make sense...how can I still think like a fat person, but not remember how I felt when I was losing weight? How can I not feel that pride in my weight loss anymore? When people compliment me on my weight loss or how I look now, it feels weird. You don't compliment someone who's always been a normal weight on being a normal weight. Maybe I feel like I've milked the accomplishment for as long as is allowable. I don't know. I just don't have much of an emotional connection to it anymore, and I don't think that's a good thing.
I want to lose about 10 pounds, but I'm not quite sure why. I think I look fine, if I'm being honest. No, I don't fit into my super-skinny clothes (the size 4 stuff), but is it really necessary for me to be a size 4? Do I want to work that hard anymore? The problem is that, when I start to think that maybe I should just be happy the way I am, or maybe just lose 5 lbs, I think that I am just being lazy and adjusting my goals, not because I really don't care, but because I don't want to make the effort. This is how I am with everything. I set high goals for myself, sometimes unnecessarily, and then if I decide to make things easier on myself, I feel like I'm not working hard enough. It's kind of like how I feel the need to finish a book even if I don't like it...I don't want to think that I'm giving up. Wow, that sounds crazy even writing it.
I feel like I have a lot of decisions to make. I'm leaning towards more tracking over SF, just because it's more familiar, and allows for more flexibility. I need to decide what my daily points goal should be, and whether I'm trying to lose weight, or stay the same and, if I want to lose, how much? At this point I'd just be happy to not gain another 0.2...
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