Well, Hello Again!

So, it's been a really long time since I've written (my Dad hates it when I start a sentence with the word "so"...sorry Dad!) You might be able to guess that I haven't written because there was nothing very good to write about. I know that I shouldn't only blog when I'm in control, but it's hard to write about bad times when you're in the middle of them. I'm more than happy to go back and admit to all of the mistakes I've made now that I feel back in control, but while I'm making those mistakes, I don't want to think about, talk about, write about, or acknowledge them in any way. When I do, I do so in very general terms..."I pigged out last night", "I binged", "I ate WAY too much!" I won't ever say, "I had dinner and then went out and got Taco Bell and ice cream", because that's just too humiliating (and yes, that did happen.)

I am extremely goal-oriented. I realized that after I was done with school I needed to find other things to work towards in order to keep myself interested. Getting to goal or making lifetime at WW is a goal. Losing 10 lbs isn't...not for me, I don't know why. Right now I am 10 lbs over my goal at WW, which means that I'm back to paying. I'm about 20 lbs more than the weight I maintained for about 2 years after making lifetime (I've increased my goal by 7 lbs since then, not because I wanted to, but because I was allowed to, and didn't want to pay. I can't increase it anymore than it is now.) I don't feel the need to be 20 lbs less than I am now, but 10 absolutely, and 15 ideally. That is not motivating enough for me, because it seems like a passive goal, like I need to STOP doing something, namely eating, to achieve it. I do have the goal of tracking my food and staying within my points, but again, it's not that exciting.

2 years ago I trained for my first 5k using the Couch to 5K app (C25K), and ran one on New Year's Day, 2012. I never ran again. A friend who did the same and ran her first race a few months before me just ran a 20K this past weekend and looks amazing!! When I ran my race, I was SO proud of myself! I always thought that runners were "real" athletes, and I never in a million years thought I could run...in high school I could barely walk around the track without getting terrible pain in my calves. I actually framed the bib I wore during my 5k and hung it on the same wall in my office as all of my diplomas...it means that much to me. Last week, sort of on a whim, I signed up for a Turkey Trot 5k, and on Saturday I restarted C25K. It stinks to have to start all over, but I am LOVING how I feel during and after my workout. I especially love that it's only 30 minutes long! I'm so excited for the race, and my plan is to continuing running after it's over. I may never do more than a 5k but, for someone who once weighed close to 200 lbs, I'd say that's pretty damn good!