New Gym, New Recipes, New Immersion Blender, OH MY!!

Today was a very exciting day in the life of a W30'er! First, I joined a new gym, Retro Fitness, which just opened in my town a few months ago. I was dreading going back to the gym, because I haven't gone in at least 3 months, after going religiously for 3+ years. Other than a few walks, I haven't done much of anything. It started with my first W30. I took the first week off, because it was suggested if you felt tired, which I did. Then, I just never went back, and didn't feel too bad, since I lost so much weight anyway. Then, I started eating poorly, but never went back to the gym. I cancelled my membership, with the intention of walking outside. Then it got hot. REALLY hot. Remember that I hate summer? So the walking never happened. I technically belonged to my old gym until today, so I decided to join Retro on July 1st. Then I found out that, if I joined by today, I'd get the summer free, so I did. I loved it! The place is REALLY nice, new and clean. Every machine has it's own TV, and there's a room in the back with cardio equipment where they show a movie on a huge screen. There's also an awesome Smoothie Bar, which was tempting, but I didn't do it!

After the gym, I went to Kohls and bought an immersion blender that I needed for a soup recipe I wanted to make. Yes it's true, I've wanted an immersion blender for a long time, so I was very excited! It was as much fun to use as I'd dreamed :) I used it to make Creamy Chicken, Mushroom and Roasted Cauliflower Soup. It was pretty easy to make, and really good. I had to substitute water for chicken broth (and then add a lot of salt) because, while I was in the middle of making it, I saw that the organic chicken broth I'd bought at Whole Foods had SUGAR in it! Yep, even someone experienced at W30 can make the mistake of not reading every label. I thought I had bought this chicken broth in April, but I guess I was wrong. Oh well, lesson learned. The water was fine but, like I said, I had to add a lot of salt. I had a bowl for dinner, and have quite a bit leftover for the week.

I made two other new recipes today: Sweet Potato and Kale Chicken Patties and Paleo Crockpot Meatballs. I actually just prepped the meat for the chicken patties and will make them tomorrow after the mixture sets overnight, and the meatballs are still in the crockpot. For the meatballs, I substituted coconut flour for the almond flour (because it's what I had), and yellow squash for carrots, because I only have baby carrots, and thought they'd be hard to shred. I'll let you know how both recipes turn out.

Today was a VERY productive day, and now I'm ready to sit back and relax, and watch the Yankees try to win a game. Some friends thanked me recently for doing the "leg work" in planning a 40th birthday spa weekend for the 3 of us. That's kind of how I look at this blog. Like I've done, and am doing, the leg work for you, so that you can jump into a W30 and not feel totally overwhelmed. Hope I'm succeeding!

This is Expensive!

Today is my nephew Mikey's 3rd birthday, and I will be at his party later (no pizza or cake for me!) I just got back from Whole Foods, and decided to post about it now, because grocery shopping is a HUGE part of the W30. First I have to say that, on the W30, you are not REQUIRED to eat organic. It is recommended if you can, but if not, that's ok. If you can only do some organic, it is recommended that you concentrate on meat, eggs and fish...things you can't wash or peel.

I just spent $181 on groceries...for one person...not even anything for the dogs. True, I did buy extra meat to freeze, enough vegetables to open my own farm stand, a bunch of canned goods, a box of Lara Bars (some varieties are ok...read your labels!), and an organic laundry detergent I wanted to try. I'm hoping that this will get me through at least 2 weeks, and that I can then supplement with things from Shop Rite. My Shop Rite doesn't have a great selection of organic stuff, but Whole Foods is expensive, and about 30 minutes away. I would say my vegetables are about 50/50 organic versus conventional. I basically picked up whatever I saw first, because I didn't really care, and my goal when at a grocery store is to get out as quickly as possible. With my beef, chicken and eggs, I did get antibiotic/hormone free, but I didn't get the grass-fed beef. I had it in my cart, but when I saw how much stuff I was buying, and the $$ started adding up, I exchanged it for non-grass-fed, which was cheaper.

The first time I did a W30, I did ALL organic meats, eggs, fruits and vegetables. I printed out the shopping lists found here, and they were a life-saver! While I love the idea of 100% organic, it is just too expensive. I can't imagine trying to do so if you have children, but I would think the desire to would be even greater in that case. I'm hoping that some day all the food available to us will be "organic" and more affordable. It's sad to have to choose between what's best for you and your family, and what won't leave you broke.

BTW, in case you want to know EXACTLY what I can and can't eat, here is the Whole30 in a nutshell.

Recipes

Here are some of the recipes I've used, and enjoyed, during my W30's:

Italian Chili

Cauliflower Rice

Egg Muffins: I have made these using paper liners and just greasing the pan with coconut oil. In both cases they stuck. I would probably invest in the silicone liners next time.

Baked Chicken Strips: NO honey during a W30!

Roasted Veggies

Creamy Chicken, Mushroom and Roasted Cauliflower Soup

Sweet Potato and Kale Chicken Patties: Turns out I don't like the taste of rosemary. There was a weird flavor in these that I couldn't identify, but didn't like. I looked at the ingredients, and it must be the rosemary, because the only other spice is paprika, which I've had often. Next time I'll leave the rosemary out, and add more garlic. I will also microwave a sweet potato, mash it up, and add it that way. The little chunks that the recipe called for did not get soft enough, even though I cooked them the amount of time written.

Paleo Crockpot Meatballs: I used coconut flour instead of almond flour, because it's what I had. These are DELICIOUS!!

Baked Artichoke Chicken: This is ok, but VERY easy and fast. I used white wine vinegar instead of red, because it's what I had, and substituted vegetable broth for the wine (no alcohol on W30, and I couldn't find a chicken broth without sugar in it...WTH??) I used 2 cans of artichoke hearts and about 2/3 lb of sliced white mushrooms. I didn't have tarragon, so I used 1/8 tsp of Herbes de Provence (no idea why I have this...) I didn't do 1/4 tsp, because I didn't know what it would taste like. I also used chicken tenderloin, because chicken on a bone kind of skeeves me out, and cooked it for about 30 minutes on 375. Half-way through cooking I decided that there wasn't enough mustard, so I squirted some more on the chicken. I used Dijon mustard...make sure you buy one without white wine in it! I don't really know what the point of the onion was. I didn't taste it, and I don't like to eat big chunks of onion. I might leave it out next time and add more garlic.

Spicy Italian Pulled Pork with Italian Gravy: I used sweet peppers, not spicy ones. The gravy is really good, but the pork I used turned out to be very fatty (I did cut off as much of the fat that I could see as possible, but I found a lot more when I tried to shred it.) It didn't shred well, and I'm just kind of grossed out by it. I think the recipe would work with shredded chicken, and the gravy would even be good over ground beef. I have made pulled pork before, so I think I will try this again, but splurge on organic pork from Whole Foods next time.


I found all of the above recipes on Pinterest (just search Whole30 or Paleo, just remember that everything that is ok in Paleo is NOT ok in W30, so you may have to modify.) I also have 2 books I use: It Starts With Food and Well Fed. More recipes to come, but I'm too lazy to type any out right now...

The "Good Feeling" or Just a Good Day??

Today was a great day! First, I went back to WW after not being there for 2 weeks. It was great to see my friends, and the meetings really help to get my head in the right place, especially going into a weekend. As soon as I walked in, Gail gave me a bracelet she had made for me. It has beads with the letters HALT on it. This is an acronym used in the W30, and it stands for Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? It means that, before you eat something, you should stop and think about why you're eating it. If it's for any reason other than the first, find another way to deal with the feeling. I would change it to HCBT...Hungry, Cranky, Bored, Tired (because I'm more often cranky than angry, and I LOVE being alone, so I'm rarely lonely, but I do get bored pretty easily.) Unfortunately, HCBT doesn't spell anything...probably not in any language. Oh well. Moving on, I got to work with my 2 favorite tech/front desk people today...they are great workers, and really sweet, funny, intelligent girls. I was also given a very nice compliment by a patient's grandma! First, I overheard her say it on the phone to her daughter while her granddaughter was dilating. She then repeated it to me in the room. Let me tell you something...if you like your doctor, TELL her! You have no idea how nice it is to hear that someone appreciates what you do. Often all we hear are complaints, as I'm sure is the case with most other people in service professions. You can make someone's day by just telling them that you appreciate the job they are doing.

Oh! I almost forgot the best part of the day! Remember the Coach bag I bought at full price on Tuesday, after seeing it for 25% off on Sunday? Well, I went back to Macy's before work today, and it was back on sale! After almost having a heart attack when I couldn't find my receipt, I found it, and got $106.46 credited back to my Macy's card! Stuff like that NEVER happens to me, mainly because I don't bother checking back at a store every few days. But for $100, you BET I'm checking back!

After work, I got my nails done and, after cleaning up some pee (ok, not a highlight of my day) I made dinner. This is not my official recipe post, but I HAVE to share the recipe I used for roasted brussel sprouts. Now, I have to say that I LOVE brussel sprouts! But I found this way to make them on Pinterest, and they are SO good! The best part are the leaves that fall off, so make sure you don't throw those away. They get really crunchy and yummy! OK, preheat the oven to 400. Clean the sprouts (duh), cut off any hard stems, then cut them in half. Mix them in a bowl with 1/2 cup olive oil, onion powder, sea salt and the juice of half a lemon (I used 1 TBSP of lemon juice, because I was too lazy to cut and squeeze a lemon...really.) Spread on a baking sheet and cook for 25-30 min until they're brown, but not burnt. I sort of mixed mine around 1/2 way through. I made about 20 and ate about 17...they are that good! If you ever come to my house for dinner, I'll make them for you. That's probably all I'll make, but I promise you'll like them.

So what I'm trying to figure out is, am I in a great mood today because that weird, random, W30 happy is kicking in, or is it because it was just a really good day? I'm hoping it's both!

"Kill All the Things!"

Yep, that's how you're supposed to feel on Days 4 and 5 of a W30 and, today being Day 4, that pretty much explains how I felt. First of all, I was TIRED! Since I've decided that exercise is against my religion, I've taken to getting back in bed with a cup of coffee at around 6:30, after I've fed the dogs. I usually read things on my phone for about an hour, then doze until around 9, then walk the dogs for about 30 minutes, then get back in bed and doze until it's time to get ready for work. I know, you're all jealous. Don't worry, I'm joining a new gym this weekend. So excited...note the sarcasm. Anyway, this morning, instead of dozing, I fell into a deep sleep from 6:30-9:00 and again from 9:30-11:00. I had gone to bed at about midnight last night, so it's not like I hadn't gotten enough sleep. I was just TIRED.

On the way to work, I stopped to pick up some fruits and vegetables at a little market. Normally on a weekday late morning/early afternoon, I have places pretty much to myself because people are at work, kids are at school. Not in the summer. The place was packed, the lines were down the aisles, and I was not happy. Luckily, as soon as I got in line they opened up a few more registers, and I got out of there pretty quickly. Then I stopped for gas...and had to wait in line! Now I was annoyed! How can a gas station be crowded at 11:30 on a Thursday morning? I stopped for coffee and headed to work.

Now, I have to tell you a few reasons why I hate the summer, and some of them might make you think I'm a terrible person, but I'll have to live with that. First, I can't stand the heat and humidity. Some people get seasonal affective disorder in the winter. I seriously think I get it in the summer (which, I've read, is possible.) My hair is poofy, I get all sweaty when I walk the dogs and my glasses fog up when I get out of the air-conditioned car. It's just not fun. I'm also not a huge fan of swimming. If it were up to me, I'd spend the entire summer in my house, curtains shut, a/c on, avoiding the sun and the heat it produces. Unfortunately, I do have to leave the house on occasion. The other reason I don't like the summer, and this is where I may sound horrible, is that the world seems to be overtaken by children. Yep, I said it. There are no kid-free zones in the summer. Let me explain: I love my dogs. LOVE my dogs. I want all dogs to be treated well and have good homes. However, I'm not one of those people who will go to a friend's house and lay on the floor with her dogs (yes, I have friends who do that with my dogs...you know who you are!) I love dogs in a general sense, and I adore my dogs in particular. But I do not want every dog in the universe on my lap or licking me. It's the same with kids. I am obsessed with my nieces and nephews, love my cousins' kids and my friends' kids. I work with kids ALL day long, and wouldn't want to work with adults for all the money in the world. However, I don't have kids of my own. I enjoy quiet, and kids and quiet don't belong in the same sentence. When I go into Dunkin Donuts at 10 am on a Tuesday morning to get coffee, I don't expect to see kids there...unless it's the summer. Then they're EVERYWHERE! Because I work with kids, I cherish my kid-free zones, and in the summer, they're gone.

So, I got to work, and today was VERY busy. I was already cranky, had thrown random food together to have for a very late breakfast and lunch, and just wanted to go home. At the end of the day I had 5 patients at various stages of their exams, all waiting for me. I was hungry, and realized that I'd get home at about 7:30, have to walk and feed the dogs in the rain, and then cook. Remember how much I love to cook...???

There was a bright spot though, and it was my dinner. I cut up chicken tenderloins, cooked them in garlic and oil, dumped in quartered artichoke hearts and black olives and, voila! I had a delicious meal that took 10 minutes to cook. I would've eaten the entire pot, but I need some for lunch tomorrow...I REALLY need to go shopping!

How Can They Not Notice???

How? The answer is: people pay a lot less attention to us than we think they do. How else can I have lost and then gained about 15 lbs in less than 3 months, and have people not notice? When I was about to start my first W30, my co-workers couldn't understand why. As far as they were concerned, I had maintained my 40 lb weight-loss for years...why lose more now? When I told them how much I had gained, they were surprised (and no, I don't think they were just saying it.) In the same way, when I lost 15 lbs in a month, not one person said, "Wow! You've lost so much weight!" Honestly, when I compared my before and after pictures, they were not nearly as dramatic as I expected them to be. I FELT a lot more different before and after than I LOOKED. Then, when I told co-workers that I was doing another W30, they thought it was just because I liked how I felt in April. That is very true, but I explained that I had gained 99% of the weight back. One friend said to me, "You know, no one can tell." It made me realize that, while I think I look very different, and KNOW that I feel very different, other people really can't tell. Everyone is too busy thinking about themselves, their kids, their pets, their jobs, to worry too much about whether or not my pants look too tight. It was kind of nice to realize that :)

Now, don't get me wrong. I know I'm not fat. I spent way too many years actually BEING fat to burden myself with that label now. I read a quote once that said something like, "I know I'm not fat, but I have fat to lose. Is that better?" That's how I feel. I want to know that I can put on anything in my closet and have it fit comfortably. I want to feel like I'm in control of the choices I make food-wise. I don't walk into an exam room and think that my patient's mom thinks I look heavy. If I sit on the couch between two people, I don't worry that they're thinking, "Ugh, she's never gonna fit." Been there, done that, not doing that to myself now, because it's not true. The best part about getting older, and the main reason I'd never go back to my teens or twenties, is that I really don't care what people think now. I live my life for me. I want to look and feel the way I want to look and feel, not the way I think someone else wants me to or thinks I should. No matter how thin I am, I'll always wish I had smaller hips, a rounder butt and fuller lips. I won't, and that's ok. I know what I can't control, and I know what I can. I'm working on what I can.

Today was very strange as far as eating goes. I stayed in bed until 11 (other than getting up twice for the dogs) because I still had a bad headache, and was feeling very tired (another early W30 side-effect.) While I was in the shower, I hard-boiled a few eggs. I've never been a huge fan of eggs and, after eating them way too much in April, I have a very low tolerance for them now. Hard-boiled eggs though, I can do. OK, so I had my breakfast protein covered, but needed vegetables and fat. I got a cup of pineapple from Shop Rite instead of vegetables (not ideal, but whatever), and some black olives from the salad bar there. That was my breakfast/brunch...it was ok, and did the job of filling me up until about 3:30. Then I had the last of my Chocolate Chili, which I had defrosted. It was very soggy and gross (it was delicious when I first made it, and will be on my recipe post.) I threw most of it out. For dinner, I had Chipotle...yep, I can have a carnitas salad with lettuce, guacamole and mild tomato salsa. NOTHING else. I do extra meat and extra guacamole. It's ok...not what I really wanted, but great because it wasn't a hotdog, and I didn't have to cook.

Speaking of the recipe post, I will do it, I'm just avoiding it. You know I must really hate cooking if I don't even feel like posting recipes! It's one of my goals for this weekend...in addition to getting something in my house to eat other than eggs and hotdogs...

The Dreaded Day 2 Headache!

I felt so much better today, meaning that I was in a much better mood, my head was clear, and I didn't feel like I was on the verge of tears or screaming...always a good thing! The day started off the way every day has been starting recently...with me cleaning up Marty's pee. But I'm getting really good at that too, so it didn't rattle me too much. Plus, he's just so darn cute... Then, I met my WW friend Gail at our favorite breakfast spot. I love it there, because the coffee is great, the food is made to order, and I can have a delicious breakfast out and know that I'm sticking to the program. I mentioned that Gail and I met at WW, I guess it's a few years ago now, so most of our conversations revolve around food. What's nice is that she totally GETS it, and talks to me the way I should talk to myself. "You can do this. It'll be ok. Just get back on track. Look how far you've come." All the things I'd say to her, she says to me. It's nice to have, and to hear.

On the way to work, I stopped at Macy's. On Sunday, I'd seen a beautiful Coach bag but, even though it was on sale for 25% off, the original price of $398 meant that it would STILL be very expensive...more than I have ever paid for any kind of clothing/accessory...more than I paid for any of my dogs! I left without getting it, but couldn't stop thinking about it. Last night, that EXACT bag showed up in my FB newsfeed in a Nordstrom's ad. I took this as a sign from God (obviously God has excellent taste in handbags.) I went in today to get my bag and, as is par for the course when it comes to my luck, the bag was no longer on sale :( I was about to walk out, but knew that I'd just go home and obsess about it some more, so I bought it, and I LOVE it! The saleswoman said that she thinks there will be a sale tomorrow and, if so, I will get a price adjustment. If not, a $400 bag is a better treat for myself than a 4,000 calorie binge on donuts, ice cream and Burger King, right??

Each of the 3 times I've started a W30 (1st successful, 2nd not, 3rd in progress), I have gotten a bad headache mid-way through Day 2. The thing that makes it difficult to blame completely on some kind of detoxing is that, on each Day 2, it has either rained, or there was rain in the immediate forecast. That kind of weather often triggers a sinus headache/migraine for me. However, I have read that Day 2 of the W30 is the day when a lot of people feel like crap, and the headaches have been exactly the same, and started at around the same time of day each time. It makes sense, because I went from eating SO MUCH junk to absolutely none, in 48 hours. At least I know that this headache shouldn't last long.

Tonight I did my stand-by hamburger and hotdog for dinner, with a side of roasted butternut squash. I got home late, and it was easy to throw together. I have a feeling that the rest of this week will involve lots of hamburgers and hotdogs, because I decided at the last minute to start my W30 yesterday, and don't have much in the house. As a matter of fact, I'm currently cooking chicken thighs for the dogs, because I ran out of dog food too...not that dog food is W30 compliant...

Let's Do This!

I officially started my second Whole30 today. I know that I said I was going to start on July 1st, but last night I felt like I'd hit rock bottom, and couldn't wait another day. Let me back track:

During my first W30 in April, I lost 14.7 lbs. In a little under 2 months, I have gained back all but 1.8 lbs of it. "How is that possible?" you might ask. Well you see, I'm VERY good at gaining weight!! This weekend, I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, for various stupid reasons. Friday I had the day from hell, from the time I woke up, until the time I went to bed, it just SUCKED! I ate. Saturday morning wasn't much better. I ate. Saturday afternoon I went to my niece's graduation party, and had a great time! I ate. Yesterday, I decided I needed to relax, so...I ate. Yesterday evening I went to a Firefly Festival with my brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew at a local orchard. We got there at a little after 7pm, and I hadn't eaten dinner. I bought a bag of apple cider donuts, and ate one. We were supposed to stop for ice cream after the festival, but the kids fell asleep, so we just went home. On my way home from my brother's house, I got ice cream. After that, it was 9:30 pm, and I realized that I hadn't eaten dinner. Yes, I had JUST eaten ice cream, but what about dinner? I WAS NOT HUNGRY, but I got Burger King. I got home, and had to change out of my leggings, because they felt tight. Yep, when you are eating fast food right AFTER eating ice cream, in your car, when you're not hungry, and then need to change out of leggings because they are too tight, that's my definition of rock bottom. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but this is a perfect example of my totally screwed up relationship with food. It's also the reason why the link to this blog is Fighting EVERYDAY.

Anyway, as soon as the leggings were off (I was standing in my kitchen in my underwear, because I'd decided to throw my clothes in the wash), I decided that I couldn't wait another day. On Friday I wore no make-up to work, because my skin has been terrible recently, and I wanted to just leave my skin clean and see if it would help. I had very bad skin as a kid (heavy with bad skin...yeah, I loved my teenage years...), but I always broke out on my chin. Now, I'm breaking out on my cheeks and on the side of my nose. I am convinced that this has something to do with wacky hormones, which can't be helped by all the crap I've been eating for the past 6 weeks. I texted a bunch of friends and family that I was starting my W30 today (to make it official), then posted on Facebook, and then signed up for the daily W30 emails, which helped me so much in April (and now I get them for $4.95 for the month, rather than $14.95...what a deal!) I don't so much need to read every word this time but, and this may sound stupid, I LOVE clicking the link at the bottom each evening saying, basically, that I survived another day. Hey, whatever works.

As soon as I decided to start today, I got a text from a co-worker, reminding me that we were ordering Chinese food for her birthday today, and asking me what I wanted. I took a deep breath, said I'd like PLAIN chicken with PLAIN broccoli. That's what I had, and I actually remembered to bring my coconut aminos with me, because soy sauce is a no-no. Test one, PASSED! Didn't eat the birthday cake either. Test two, PASSED!

Today was a tough day at work. I'm not going to complain, because I've decided to end the pity party I started for myself on Friday. A friend posted on FB today that a friend of hers, who has 5 children, has terminal brain cancer. Yeah, my life is DAMN GOOD. However, as far as days at work go, today is not one I'd like to have to live over. A friend at work, who knows my struggles with food, and stress-eating, said that, at one point she was looking at me, and hoping that I wouldn't go home and eat a bag of cookies. I did not (the bag of donuts I bought yesterday are at my brother's house...dropped off in his garage today on my way to work.) Instead, I took a deep breath, focused on my job and my patients and got through the day. As soon as I got home, I heated up dinner (leftover pecan-encrusted chicken and 2 small sweet potatoes with ghee), changed into my pajamas, and put on the Stanley Cup finals (not because I have any interest in hockey...I'm not even watching it...but Donnie Wahlberg of NKOTB, AKA my future husband, likes the Bruins. No, I'm not kidding.)

So, after I post this, I get to go click on the "I GOT THROUGH DAY 1" button and see some little video or something, and I will be very happy, and proud of myself for getting through a tough day without the crutch I usually rely on so heavily. My goal with this W30 is to make it a W48 or 49, and continue until my beach vacation in August. I'm ready to not only look and feel better physically, but to have that weird, random, HAPPY feeling again. I miss it.

PS-I said this blog is not about the food, and what I eat each meal. However, I will create a post with all the recipes I think are worth trying, and I'll add to it as necessary. That way, if you want to know what I ate, and have the recipe, you can find it all in one place.

Trying to Get Through One Day

I started back to work yesterday after 9 days off. It was an amazing vacation, and I need to do these at least once a year, if possible. I didn't go anywhere, although I did do a lot of fun things (NKOTB concert, Jack and Mady's graduation, Father's Day BBQ, Terhune Orchard with the kids.) I also got some things done, but mainly I relaxed...I slept...A LOT! I didn't realize how much I could sleep, but I guess I needed it! I also cleared out my DVR, which makes me happy :)

Eating-wise, the past 9 days were a DISASTER! I don't do well when I'm not on a schedule and to me, vacation means food...eating out, ice cream, etc. I look, feel and AM heavier. I feel uncomfortable in my skin, and it's a feeling I hate (and know all too well.) I thought I'd get back on track yesterday, and I was fine for the first 2/3 of the day, but then I got home from work, and that's always a hard time for me. I eat to unwind, and I ate to unwind.

I'm trying not to look ahead, trying not to try to lose everything I gained in 12 hours, trying not to think about the Whole30 I plan on starting on July 1st. I just want to get through today or, more accurately, I want to get through this evening. Then I'll wake up and try to get through tomorrow. That's where I am right now. I told a friend this morning that I was going to text her if I felt like I was going to overeat and she asked if I felt like I was going to. At 10am? No, I never feel like I'm going to overeat at 10am, but ask me again at 8pm. It's not that I'm PLANNING on doing it, it's just that I know myself, and I know where I am right now. I'm on a tightrope, and my balance is not good. I just need to keep my arms out to either side, put one foot in front of the other, and do my best not to fall off.

I read something on Facebook last night that has to be my mantra right now:

You try, You fail
You try, You fail
The Real FAILURE
Is When You
STOP TRYING!!

I may fail every single time, but I won't stop trying.

A Day to Regroup

I'm taking tomorrow off. I know, you're thinking, "But she's on vacation!" That's true, and I have managed to get a nap in every day, but I'm still tired. I've had somewhere to go and something to do every day, usually more than one place and more than one thing. Many of them have been a lot of fun, but I'm still tired. I also think I'm getting a cold, and I can't be sick when I have to go back to work on Tuesday. I was supposed to go to an open house party tomorrow afternoon, but I'm not. I'm taking the day off...off from leaving the house, off from putting on nice clothes, off from doing my hair and putting on make-up...off.

Part of the reason I think I feel run-down is that I can't remember the last time I ate a vegetable. I've been living it up food-wise over the past week, and I'm paying for it. I feel gross...my clothes feel tight, I feel sluggish and out of control. I went grocery shopping this morning, and have what I need to cook some good meals for next week. That's what I'm going to do tomorrow. In my pajamas.

How to Handle July???

I'm on Day 3 of my "Staycation", but it feels like Day 1. The first day I did my colonoscopy prep (not exactly a fun way to spend a day), and yesterday was the test itself...all went well, and I'm good for 5 years! After having to go every 3 years the last 2 times because of polyps, this was wonderful news! My Dad was with me yesterday, and we got a lot of stuff done...put up chicken wire around the deck to keep Marty from escaping, drilled a hole in the back of my new TV stand, figured out why the sliders in my bedroom are stuck, etc. After that, I took a long nap, and watched a few DVR'd episodes of Game of Thrones.

Right now a man is here cleaning my old couch and recliner. The couch is in my loft now and, after being the dogs' bed for 6 years (despite being covered by blankets), it is in desperate need of a good cleaning. I am giving the recliner to my brother and, since Marty recently threw up on it, I offered to have it cleaned first! Later I will take my car in to have some thing fixed (no idea what...it was recalled.) So this vacation week will be filled with a lot of things I need to get done, but it's nice to have the time to do them, and know that, when I'm done, I can take a nap if I want :)

I do have some fun things planned too: I have a massage tomorrow at noon! My aunt gave me Spa Finder gift cards for my 40th birthday, and I'm going to use one of them tomorrow. My neck actually feel really good, but it's still a little tight, and I'm hoping that the massage does the trick. On Thursday night, my sisters, my cousin and some friends are going to see New Kids on the Block, Boys to Men and 98 Degrees in concert! We are all very excited!! Most of us saw New Kids and Backstreet Boys together a few years ago, and my sister Pauline and I saw New Kids twice together before that. It's become a sort of tradition, and I can't wait! On Friday, my niece and nephew are graduating from Pre-K. I can't believe that they're going to be in Kindergarten already! Then Sunday is Father's Day...see, not just boring errands!

I was in the car this morning trying to decide how to handle July. My Whole 26-ish didn't happen, and neither is the Paleo experiment...for no reason other than that I'm not doing it. Maybe it was too soon and I needed a break. Maybe I'm just not in the mood. Who knows. I had planned on doing a W30 starting July 1st, so that I'd look and feel great for my trip to LBI in August. I still like the idea, but then I keep thinking about eggs for breakfast, and I want to puke! No, I don't HAVE to eat eggs for breakfast on the W30, but it's what ended up happening, and I'm not a huge fan of eggs to begin with. Then I thought I could commit 100% to Paleo but, other than the 3 cheat meals, it's not that different from W30. Maybe I could eliminate sugar, dairy and artificial stuff, but allow myself whole wheat and grains, so that I could have more breakfast choices? But then, will I feel as good as I felt in April? I don't know? I guess I have a few days to decide. I think I'm leaning towards just going for it all out. There's really nothing going on in July, and I want to feel that way again. Plus, it will be nice to be thinner and less bloated when I have to wear a bathing suit in August...20 or so days to decide...

A Forced Day of Rest

I am not good at relaxing. I have a hard time sitting still and doing nothing, yet I'm always longing for a day to do just that. Today is the first day of a 9 day "staycation." I have a lot of things planned for the week, some fun, some just stuff that needs to get done, but I'm really looking forward to not having to go to work for awhile. I need a mental break and, by the way my shoulder has been bothering me, I obviously need a physical break too.

Well, today I'm being forced to sit home and do nothing (although Marty and I did go to his class this morning.) I have my colonoscopy tomorrow, and will start the prep at 3pm (2 hours earlier than I'm supposed to, because I'd like to finish drinking the stuff before midnight!) I can't eat anything solid today, so I'm planning to spend the day sitting on the couch, watching TV, eating lemon Italian ices, and maybe taking a nap. I need this. It's crazy to say that I'm happy that I have to prep for a colonoscopy but, in a way, I am. If this is what it takes to get me to just stop, then so be it. I think the dogs are happy too. I rarely spend much time during the day just hanging out with them. They are all asleep on the couch, and I'm hoping they stay that way!

Here's my quick PSA for colonscopies: They are NOT a big deal! Yes, the prep is not fun, but once you've done it once, you realize that it's nothing more than an annoyance. Once you get to the doctor, you are tired and hungry and SO happy when they stick the IV in your arm and you drift off to la la land. Next thing you know, it's over. Colon cancer took my sister-in-law's sister when she was in her 30's. My Dad was diagnosed when he was about 40, and my brother-in-law's brother was diagnosed last year. Tomorrow will be my 4th colonoscopy. I've had polyps removed twice (non-cancerous, thank God.) All of my siblings have had at least one done so far. I joke that, in my family, going for a colonoscopy is like going for a flu shot...no big deal. Everyone should start getting screened at 50, sooner if you have a family history (I believe it's 10 years before your family member was diagnosed.) Please don't risk your life because you want to avoid a test which is, at most, unpleasant. It doesn't make any sense!

Roller Coaster

The food is winning today. I have been in a pissy mood since I got into work. Since this is a public blog, I'm not going to go into details, but let's just say that it's something I don't have to deal with too often at the office, but when I do, it tends to set me off. It's also not helping that, despite this being the 3rd day of steroids, and taking a Percocet at about 11 am, my neck/arm is still bothering me. It's not bad, but it's there, and it's annoying. My x-ray results are at my doctor's office, but he's not in today. I just looked at my watch and thought that it was 5:30...great, my last patient is at 6:15, not bad! Then I looked again...it's 4:30. How did I handle all of this? By eating Reese's Pieces out of the snack box.

I honestly don't know how this night is going to go. I'm in a REALLY bad mood and, despite my attempts to find something else to relax me when I feel like this, I'm never going to like reading or going for a walk as much as I do food. I wasn't going to blog about this, because it's extremely private and embarrassing, but a good friend encouraged me to. If I'm not going to be honest here, then what's the point??

A Much Better Day!

Today was the first Tuesday of my new work schedule, so I didn't have to be in until 2pm. It was a perfect day weather-wise, so I took the dogs out, then got back in bed, had breakfast in bed, dozed a bit, and then got up to prep dinner. For breakfast I had the avocado basil chicken salad and some fruit salad. I did NOT want eggs for breakfast, and the chicken salad is my new favorite food! That breakfast, eaten at 9am, kept me satisfied until I ate my lunch at about 3. I could've eaten sooner, but I wasn't hungry.

For lunch I had 3 hard-boiled eggs, some black olives, and some more fruit salad. A very random lunch, I know, but it's what I felt like having, it was easy, and it got in my protein, good fat, and some fruit. I did allow myself half of the sliver of carrot cake that was left for me at work to celebrate a co-worker's birthday. I LOVE carrot cake, and I LOVE LOVE cream cheese frosting! I was going to eat the whole thing, but after half I realized that the first taste of that cream cheese frosting was the one that would taste the best, so I threw the rest out. Go me :)

For dinner I had coconut chicken tenders with honey mustard sauce and cauliflower rice



The chicken was easy to make, although next time I will buy chicken tenders. Cutting up raw chicken breast is disgusting, unless you are a basset hound or a beagle. In that case, raw chicken is a delicacy, and you must sit right behind your mother's feet as she's trying to work in the kitchen, just in case she drops some. The chicken came out a little dry, but I think that had more to do with my cooking than the recipe. When I turned them over after 5 minutes, they looked pretty much done, so another 5 minutes, and then 5 minutes on broil was obviously too much. I will make them again for sure, and think they'd be a hit with kids. I used the eggs instead of the olive oil and I wish I had a wire rack to put on the baking sheet as suggested, because it would've been nice if the coconut had gotten a bit more crunchy. I had the honey mustard sauce, which I love. Keep in mind that honey is ok with Paleo, NOT with Whole30! The cauliflower rice was delicious, and I have a ton leftover, so I'll eat it for the next few nights as a side. It felt like I was eating carbs :) It took awhile to chop up all of the cauliflower, because I only have a 3 cup food processor. Other than that it was easy!

In non-food related news, Marty the Beagle tried to escape today. I had the sliding glass doors open and a gate up across the deck stairs. The dogs were going in and out, enjoying the beautiful weather, so I went up to take a shower. I had just gotten out and was half dressed when I heard my neighbor shouting to me that Marty had run off the deck...the gate had blown down. I threw on my bath robe, ran downstairs, and grabbed some cold cuts out of the refrigerator. Luckily he was just on my neighbor's deck, but he was afraid and wouldn't let her grab him. I got him to come to me with the turkey, and was able to pick him up, although he kept trying to wiggle away out of fear. My dad is coming down this weekend and is going to help me put up a real gate across the deck entrance, and some chicken wire around the rails. It was scary, but he's next to me sleeping right now, so all is good in my world tonight.

50/50

Breakfast and lunch went well. I had some leftover breakfast casserole (which I'm totally sick of at this point, so I didn't eat much of it), and some of the chicken salad I made last night for lunch...SO good! I was in a lot of pain today because of my neck. I got my hair done, and 2 hours of having to bend my neck all different ways was NOT a good idea, but I was desperate for a haircut. Plus, for the next 7 days I am not allowed to take Advil or Alleve, and Tylenol did nothing. I finally went to my doctor's appointment at 4:15, and he agrees that it's probably a pinched nerve. I had some x-rays done (luckily, the radiology place was able to take me right away, when I just went in to make the appointment), and I am on a week's worth of steroids and low-dose Percocet for the pain. It's helped, but not as much as I'd hoped. After my x-ray, I went to watch my 4 year old niece and nephew play baseball...so cute! I headed home at about 7:30 pm, after having been out all day, and there was no way I was cooking. As I said yesterday, poor planning leads to poor choices. So does the little pity-party I was having for myself. Food is how I comfort myself. I am in pain. I needed comfort. You figure it out.

I don't have to be in to work until 2 tomorrow, and I have all the ingredients I need to prepare a few dinners, so I'm going to do that in the morning, so that after work tomorrow I just have to stick something in the oven. I also hope that I feel better tomorrow, now that I have a full day's worth of steroids in me.

On a positive note, yesterday I bought a little cabinet for my entryway, with a lamp to go on top. Today I went back to Home Goods and found a similar cabinet which is larger, and perfect as a TV stand, which I needed. I LOVE the way my living room looks now, and just want to sit here all day. Considering how my neck feels, that is probably what I should be doing. Unfortunately, the dogs don't have jobs, and someone has to pay the mortgage.

Weekend Wrap-Up and a Yummy New Recipe!

So after making the decision to allow myself one ice cream a week, I headed straight from work to my favorite ice cream place on Friday. I had a peanut butter shake float with vanilla ice cream, and it was gooood! Shortly after, however, I did not feel good at all...I felt like I had eaten a boulder. I am going to have to re-evaluate my one ice cream a week rule. If nothing else, I will have to choose something other than the largest ice cream on the menu :/ I did weigh myself this morning though, and am 5 lbs down from last Monday, so my days of clean eating have gotten off a lot of the bloat and water weight that came back on so quickly. I'm very happy about that, and am determined to keep it going!

I thoroughly enjoyed my "weekend off", although I know my choices were not the best...pizza, thai food, a bagel. Tonight I had a turkey sandwich with olive oil, vinegar, lettuce, tomato and black olives on a whole wheat roll. I feel good about that choice. You may also have counted 4 non-paleo meals in there. You are correct. I took Marty the Beagle to class this morning, and then ran a bunch of errands. By 12:30 I hadn't eaten anything other than a handful of cashews at 8:00, so I got a bagel with butter. Poor planning=poor choices.

I am going to have to adjust my meal plan for the week. I was going to make a pecan-encrusted chicken dish, but I realized that my colonoscopy is a week from tomorrow, and I can't have nuts 7 days before. No more snacking on a handful of cashews, which will be tough, because they are so easy. I'm going to use the chicken I have to make baked coconut chicken fingers with honey mustard sauce (honey is not allowed on the W30, but is in a Paleo diet.) I will let you know tomorrow how those come out.

I had defrosted 3 chicken breasts earlier this week, and did not want to wait any longer to cook them, so I just made this recipe for lunch this week. I tasted it, and it's delicious! I used 3 chicken breasts instead of 2, about a 1/4 cup of fresh basil and an 1/8 cup of dry (because it's what I had), 2 avocados, 3 TBSP olive oil, 3/4 tsp sea salt and 1/4 tsp black pepper.

The excitement of my weekend (other than ice cream, pizza, thai food and a bagel) was the arrival of my new leather couch and loveseat, and the purchase of a cabinet and lamp for right inside my front door. It's amazing how just a few new pieces of furniture has made me fall in love with my house all over again :) I'm off tomorrow (hallelujah!) and am going to the doctor to try to figure out what's going on with my neck/shoulder/arm. Starting tomorrow, I can't take anything other than Tylenol for pain (colonoscopy), and I'm not looking forward to that...not that Alleve or Advil is really doing anything...