Let's Do This!

I officially started my second Whole30 today. I know that I said I was going to start on July 1st, but last night I felt like I'd hit rock bottom, and couldn't wait another day. Let me back track:

During my first W30 in April, I lost 14.7 lbs. In a little under 2 months, I have gained back all but 1.8 lbs of it. "How is that possible?" you might ask. Well you see, I'm VERY good at gaining weight!! This weekend, I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, for various stupid reasons. Friday I had the day from hell, from the time I woke up, until the time I went to bed, it just SUCKED! I ate. Saturday morning wasn't much better. I ate. Saturday afternoon I went to my niece's graduation party, and had a great time! I ate. Yesterday, I decided I needed to relax, so...I ate. Yesterday evening I went to a Firefly Festival with my brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew at a local orchard. We got there at a little after 7pm, and I hadn't eaten dinner. I bought a bag of apple cider donuts, and ate one. We were supposed to stop for ice cream after the festival, but the kids fell asleep, so we just went home. On my way home from my brother's house, I got ice cream. After that, it was 9:30 pm, and I realized that I hadn't eaten dinner. Yes, I had JUST eaten ice cream, but what about dinner? I WAS NOT HUNGRY, but I got Burger King. I got home, and had to change out of my leggings, because they felt tight. Yep, when you are eating fast food right AFTER eating ice cream, in your car, when you're not hungry, and then need to change out of leggings because they are too tight, that's my definition of rock bottom. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but this is a perfect example of my totally screwed up relationship with food. It's also the reason why the link to this blog is Fighting EVERYDAY.

Anyway, as soon as the leggings were off (I was standing in my kitchen in my underwear, because I'd decided to throw my clothes in the wash), I decided that I couldn't wait another day. On Friday I wore no make-up to work, because my skin has been terrible recently, and I wanted to just leave my skin clean and see if it would help. I had very bad skin as a kid (heavy with bad skin...yeah, I loved my teenage years...), but I always broke out on my chin. Now, I'm breaking out on my cheeks and on the side of my nose. I am convinced that this has something to do with wacky hormones, which can't be helped by all the crap I've been eating for the past 6 weeks. I texted a bunch of friends and family that I was starting my W30 today (to make it official), then posted on Facebook, and then signed up for the daily W30 emails, which helped me so much in April (and now I get them for $4.95 for the month, rather than $14.95...what a deal!) I don't so much need to read every word this time but, and this may sound stupid, I LOVE clicking the link at the bottom each evening saying, basically, that I survived another day. Hey, whatever works.

As soon as I decided to start today, I got a text from a co-worker, reminding me that we were ordering Chinese food for her birthday today, and asking me what I wanted. I took a deep breath, said I'd like PLAIN chicken with PLAIN broccoli. That's what I had, and I actually remembered to bring my coconut aminos with me, because soy sauce is a no-no. Test one, PASSED! Didn't eat the birthday cake either. Test two, PASSED!

Today was a tough day at work. I'm not going to complain, because I've decided to end the pity party I started for myself on Friday. A friend posted on FB today that a friend of hers, who has 5 children, has terminal brain cancer. Yeah, my life is DAMN GOOD. However, as far as days at work go, today is not one I'd like to have to live over. A friend at work, who knows my struggles with food, and stress-eating, said that, at one point she was looking at me, and hoping that I wouldn't go home and eat a bag of cookies. I did not (the bag of donuts I bought yesterday are at my brother's house...dropped off in his garage today on my way to work.) Instead, I took a deep breath, focused on my job and my patients and got through the day. As soon as I got home, I heated up dinner (leftover pecan-encrusted chicken and 2 small sweet potatoes with ghee), changed into my pajamas, and put on the Stanley Cup finals (not because I have any interest in hockey...I'm not even watching it...but Donnie Wahlberg of NKOTB, AKA my future husband, likes the Bruins. No, I'm not kidding.)

So, after I post this, I get to go click on the "I GOT THROUGH DAY 1" button and see some little video or something, and I will be very happy, and proud of myself for getting through a tough day without the crutch I usually rely on so heavily. My goal with this W30 is to make it a W48 or 49, and continue until my beach vacation in August. I'm ready to not only look and feel better physically, but to have that weird, random, HAPPY feeling again. I miss it.

PS-I said this blog is not about the food, and what I eat each meal. However, I will create a post with all the recipes I think are worth trying, and I'll add to it as necessary. That way, if you want to know what I ate, and have the recipe, you can find it all in one place.