Today was not the greatest of days. I woke up with a sore throat, so I slept as late as I could before I had to get ready for work. I had hoped to do either a 3 mile walk or kettle bell swings before work, and the other after. I did nothing. I did weigh myself this morning, and was up 4.2 lbs since last Monday. I know that some of it is water weight, plus all the parties and meals out this past week are definitely not normal. However, it was hard to allow myself to skip a workout on a day when the scale was up so much.
I have a very hard time letting myself rest. I am very hard on myself, and expect a lot. Someone suggested I call out sick to work. That's not something I do. I've worked at this practice for 7+ years, and have been out sick once, and that's because I coughed so hard that I thought I'd cracked a rib, and had to go for an X-ray. I don't have the kind of job where someone can pick up the slack, or the work can just wait until the next day. None of the doctors in our practice call out sick. Trying to reschedule a whole day's worth of patients is a nightmare, and you just end up making more work for yourself when they have to be double-booked. It's not worth it.
I also have a hard time letting myself skip exercise because I'm sick. It's a blessing and a curse that, when I get sick, I just get colds...no fever, nothing that requires medicine. My thinking, and that of others I'm sure, is "it's just a cold...suck it up." A cold doesn't warrant a day spent in bed. Even if I were to try that, who would walk and feed the dogs, pick up my medicine, etc? I pull up my big girl panties and carry on. Today, as I was debating a power yoga class tonight, or some kettle bell swings, I kept asking myself, "Are you really sick, or just being lazy?" It took 2 friends telling me to rest, and stop trying to be Super Woman, for me to listen. Even now, I'm sitting here thinking about everything I need to do before work tomorrow...dogs, gym, buy stuff to make for a New Year's Eve party I'm going to (not sure when I'll be making it, but it's been downgraded from something I need to bake to a dessert dip, due simply to a lack of time and energy.)
I'm trying to look at the positives of the past week. I tracked EVERYTHING, and got in exercise every day (other than today.) I was great today, avoiding a table full of Christmas dessert leftovers at work. However, I had pizza for dinner, and am snacking on homemade rugelach that a friend gave me for Christmas. Thank God she only gave me 5...I ate 3, and I don't think that the other 2 are long for this Earth. What's hard is that I realized today that I'm now 3 lbs HEAVIER than I was 5-6 weeks ago, when I printed out the HSM weight tracker, and started trying to lose about 12-14 lbs. That's really discouraging. I feel like I've made some great strides in my behaviors, but I've still managed a net weight gain.
I have very mixed feelings about this year being over. In some ways it was a great year, and in others it totally sucked. Last week I thought I'd be glad to see it go, and now I'm surprised at how mixed my feelings are. Obviously it's ending, whether I want it to or not. I hope that, at this time next year, I will look back at 2014 as a major turning point for me. That the good things that happened will be springboards to even better things. That the bad things that happened will have taught me valuable lessons. That the confidence I've gained will allow me to take major risks next year, and that those risks will pay off. That the hurt I've felt will remind me what I deserve, and what I will not stand for. I hope I continue to ask myself the difficult questions, and come up with answers. I pray for a healthy, happy, exciting, and wonderful 2015. I wish the same for you too.
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