Don't need to fix, but still need to work.

It's amazing to me that, at almost 42 years old, I am still learning so many things about myself. I have been very open about the fact that, as soon as I stopped the Virgin Diet, not only did I fall off the wagon, but I got run over by it! I've been trying to figure out why I'm so unmotivated to do anything I need to do, and how to get my focus back.

My life is so full right now, in the best possible ways. I am very happy, content, excited, and calm. I am more comfortable with who I am, both on the inside, and on the outside, than I have ever been...and that is the problem. I realize that I have always used diet and exercise as a way to try to "fix" myself. Once I lost weight, I would love me, and so would everyone else. When I did lose weight, and my life wasn't perfect, I'd gain it back, and start all over. As long as I had weight to lose, there was a reason why my life wasn't perfect. I could diet, and "know" that once I worked hard enough, ate little enough, worked out hard enough, and got small enough, then everything else would fall into place.

Now a funny thing has happened. I have 10-15 lbs I'd like to lose, yet my life, while not perfect by any means, is pretty damn good. So why bother losing the extra few pounds? This is where my thinking needs to change. I need to lose those pounds, because it will get me to the place where I feel best, where I think I look best, where all my clothes fit, and where I can start training for my June race more easily. I need to lose those pounds because, in doing so, I will be feeding my body healthy, nourishing foods, instead of crap. I need to lose those pounds so that when the summer comes, I can be active, and rock a bathing suit at the beach! It has nothing to do wih fixing something that is broken, or striving for perfection. It is about being the best me that I can be, so that I can enjoy the incredible life I've been blessed with.

I've worked so hard, on both the internal and external. It's time to bring the two together, and be who I want to be, look how I want to look, and feel how I want to feel, for me, and only me. It starts today with 30 min on my bike, 10 min of kettlebells, and eating at a calorie deficit and tracking it in MFP. Let's do this!