Lows and Highs

I've experienced so many emotions during and after my 2 runs this weekend. Yesterday I went out for what was supposed to be a 9 mile long run (according to my half-marathon training plan.) I have not felt great while running in a couple of weeks...my legs never don't feel tight/sore/tired. I attribute that to not only running, but weights, yoga, and a job that keeps me on my feet often. I also started running 3 days in a row as part of the plan, whereas I used to try to avoid back to back runs. I slept in a bit yesterday, and headed out at 10 AM. I was trying out a new hydration belt which carried a full bottle of water and my phone. By mile 5 I was hot, tired, my legs were dead, and I felt like the belt weighed 15 lbs (at it's heaviest it was 1.8). I took it off and dropped it on the side of the road and tried to keep going. By that point I had a headache, and my heart wasn't in it. I eventually walked the approximately 2.5 miles home...it felt SO GOOD to walk!! I was SO disappointed! My last long run, which was right after I signed up for the June 1/2 marathon, was 8 miles, which I ran totally dehydrated and with a horrible headache. Before that I had done 9 miles twice and 8 miles once, all before I signed up for the June 1/2, and when I was just running on my own schedule. I felt like I had developed a mental block about long runs since I started the "official" training program that I found online. I did the "woe is me" thing for a bit, and then decided to focus on the positive, and figure out what changes I needed to make. First of all, I ran 5 miles!! I walked 2.5 miles!! I also came to a few realizations: I can't run with a hydration belt...I can't tolerate the added weight. I've decided to drop bottles of water along my route and see how that works. I need to start my long runs much earlier in the morning...like, be on the road by 7 AM. It's only May, but the heat and humidity are already too much for me by 10 AM. Most importantly, I need to cut out the 5 mile mid-week run, and stick to my two 3 milers, and then a weekend long run. No more back to back runs either. Some people can run everyday...I can't. My long runs will also be a range. This Sunday, instead of saying I'm going to run 10 miles, I am going to run between 8 and 10. I find that when I aim for less, I am usually able to do more. When I aim for more and can't get there, I feel like I've failed. There's no room for that in my running life!

Today I did a 5k run to benefit colon cancer research. My Dad is an almost 30 year survivor. I did the race with my SIL, who lost her sister to the disease 20 years ago. The race had a lot of meaning to both of us. I was allowed to choose my bib number, and chose 210...my Dad's birthday. My plan is to frame it, along with a picture of me at the finish line, and give it to him for Father's Day. It was SO cold, and SO windy, and SO hilly, but I had an unofficial time of 28:40...my fastest 5k ever!! This is why I run! Because on days when all of the elements seem to be working against you, adrenaline, and your will, carry you farther than you could ever imagine. During my run I said a prayer, thanking God for allowing us to keep my Dad here with us all those years ago. It was an amazing day!

This blog focuses on my weight loss and exercise journey, but I do want to just mention how my successes have effected other aspects of my life. I always considered myself shy. I never thought I was pretty. While there were areas of my life in which I was very confident, my physical appearance was not one of them, and social situations were very difficult for me. Perhaps age has something to do with it, but I feel like my confidence now is through the roof. Yes, I am happy with how I look now, but the focus now is on what my body can do, more than what it looks like. I feel strong, and it is an amazing feeling! If I put my mind to something, I have no doubt that I will do it. I believe that I have a lot to offer, and if other people don't see that, it's their problem, and not because there is anything wrong with me. I am happy, not because of anything I have, or anything I'm doing, but simply because I am. My life is not perfect, but I am extremely blessed, and I know it. There's a quote I love that says, "I love the person I've become, because I fought to become her." This explains it so perfectly, that there is really nothing more I can say!