Deep Thoughts, With Rose Hughes

I was all set to post after my weigh-in last Friday and tell you all how great I had done. I felt so good and in control, and then...I had gained 0.2 pounds. I know that's nothing, but it was disappointing. I had gone way over my weekly points because I didn't decide to get back on the WW plan until Saturday night, but I still thought I had overcome that. I have been tracking every day this week, but I'm over my weekly points again. The main culprit is desserts over the weekend. My plan was to just have ice cream one night, but that didn't happen. Even though I'm tracking it, I think it's just too much, and it's not leaving me with any wiggle room at all during the week, whether I track or do SF. In both cases, I need the 49 points (and whatever I earn at the gym, which is not much) if I want a treat or a snack or a higher point meal. If I use them up by Saturday, it makes the rest of the week very difficult. I'm still trying to figure this all out, which is strange, since I've been doing it for 4 years (this time...25 years on and off!) The other thing I'm wrestling with is whether the suggested goal of 26 points a day is realistic for me. On the one hand, I think that the fewer points I eat, the more quickly I will lose weight. However, I also think that if I increase my goal by a few points a day, it might make me feel more satisfied, and allow me to dip into my weekly 49 a little bit less. Still not sure about that one. When WW first switched to the Points Plus plan, I got 29 points. Then one day, they decided it was 26. I'm not sure why, but those 3 points are HUGE!!

A friend told me today that she was out walking the other day, and felt so great, and proud of herself for losing 30 lbs (which she did about 3 years ago, I believe.) I said that I feel very disconnected from my weight loss at this point. I said that I don't relate to either my before or after picture, because I'm somewhere in between. That's part of it, but I also lost my weight almost 4 years ago. It seems like forever. I've kept off 30 of those pounds, and I can't really remember how it felt to lose the weight. At the same time, I do still feel like a fat person in a normal sized body. It doesn't make sense...how can I still think like a fat person, but not remember how I felt when I was losing weight? How can I not feel that pride in my weight loss anymore? When people compliment me on my weight loss or how I look now, it feels weird. You don't compliment someone who's always been a normal weight on being a normal weight. Maybe I feel like I've milked the accomplishment for as long as is allowable. I don't know. I just don't have much of an emotional connection to it anymore, and I don't think that's a good thing.

I want to lose about 10 pounds, but I'm not quite sure why. I think I look fine, if I'm being honest. No, I don't fit into my super-skinny clothes (the size 4 stuff), but is it really necessary for me to be a size 4? Do I want to work that hard anymore? The problem is that, when I start to think that maybe I should just be happy the way I am, or maybe just lose 5 lbs, I think that I am just being lazy and adjusting my goals, not because I really don't care, but because I don't want to make the effort. This is how I am with everything. I set high goals for myself, sometimes unnecessarily, and then if I decide to make things easier on myself, I feel like I'm not working hard enough. It's kind of like how I feel the need to finish a book even if I don't like it...I don't want to think that I'm giving up. Wow, that sounds crazy even writing it.

I feel like I have a lot of decisions to make. I'm leaning towards more tracking over SF, just because it's more familiar, and allows for more flexibility. I need to decide what my daily points goal should be, and whether I'm trying to lose weight, or stay the same and, if I want to lose, how much? At this point I'd just be happy to not gain another 0.2...

The Great Coffee Debate

The thing I'm having the most trouble with on SF is coffee. After years of flavored coffee with either milk and Equal or flavored Coffeemate, I got used to plain coffee with coconut milk during the W30. On SF, I can have flavored coffee, but coconut milk needs to be counted, so I've switched to skim milk (organic at home.) I've allowed myself to try flavored coffee again, because the skim milk lacks some of the flavor of coconut milk. It also lacks the creaminess of the full-fat coconut milk I was using. There are 2 Dunkin Donuts by me, one of which has a drive-thru. I go there when I'm feeling lazy, but the coffee is not as good as at the other one. I went there today, because it's less out of my way on the way to work. I asked for an iced French vanilla with skim milk. It did not taste like flavored coffee, and was very dark. When I got to work, I decided to give in and add some Equal. I used to add Equal to my coffee all the time, but now it tasted so sweet and artificial. I drank the coffee anyway, slowly throughout the day, but it wasn't what I wanted.

I'm wondering if I should just suck it up and go back to the coconut milk. Even the low fat coconut milk is creamier than skim milk. That means I have to take it out of my 49 points when doing SF, or my daily points when tracking. It also means that I have to go back to buying cans of coconut milk, which is expensive, and carrying it around in little Tupperware containers. Something tells me I'm just going to force myself to get used to the skim.

I'm loving SF. I feel like I'm just making the choice to eat healthy foods which, for the most part, are not things I have to worry about overeating. I am looking forward to the tuna sub which I plan to have for dinner on Friday night, but during the work-week, this is very doable. I haven't weighed myself since I was weighed at WW last Friday. One thing I have taken from the W30 is to stay away from the scale. I feel great about myself this week...why risk ruining it because the stir-fry I ate tonight might have been a little salty?

I'm not going to be posting everyday anymore. I don't think you guys care too much what I eat every single day for the rest of my life. I will try to check in at least once a week...that way I'll have some time to gather all kinds of new and exciting thoughts and opinions to share with you, my fans :)

Perspective

I have 2 pairs of white capris, a size 4 and a size 6. It's been a long time since I wore the 4's, but I can remember when the 6's were too big...*sigh*. Anyway, I had a meeting with financial planners this morning (God, that makes me sound so old!) and I grabbed what I thought were the 6's out of my closet. As I was pulling them up, I saw the pockets open, and thought, "I thought I had sewn the pockets shut." (I actually stapled them shut...don't ask.) I had worn them last week, and after I washed them I hadn't put them in the dryer. My new washing machine washes whites on hot...could that have caused them to shrink that much? I started to feel fat and miserable until I realized, "Wait! These are the 4's! Oh wow, I can get them up to my hips...not bad!" After that, I felt happy and motivated, because the 4's seem like a realistic goal, with some work.

The moral of this story? Something as dumb as the fit of a pair of pants can have a huge effect on my mood. I went from feeling terrible when I thought my pants didn't fit, to feeling great, because a smaller pair of pants have the possibility of fitting again in this lifetime. Nevermind that I don't believe that I am truly a size 4 OR 6. Let's say that I was a size 4 at 135 lbs, and each size lower is 10 lbs less. That means someone who weighed 115 would be a size 0. What about the women who weigh less than that? What are they??? These are the things that keep me up at night. Not really.

I ate exactly the same things today as I did yesterday, and enjoyed them just as much. I don't mind eating the same thing a few days in a row if it means I don't have to cook. My 3 main goals in life are to cook, clean, and grocery shop as little as possible. Who ever said I don't aim high??

Simply Successful!

I am tired! I was busy at work, and I had a college student shadowing me. She is a patient of mine, going into her Junior year of college, and considering optometry. It is so weird to realize that I am old enough to have a college student following me around! This is the 2nd patient I've had shadow me, and I am happy to do it, but it makes me feel like I'm performing even more than I usually do, so it's exhausting.

Today was my first day doing Simply Filling, and I loved it! For breakfast I had unfrosted Mini-Wheats with skim milk and a banana...I was SO happy to have a bowl of cereal after a month of eggs and leftover meat for breakfast! I also had an iced coffee with skim milk. For lunch I had turkey on light multi-grain bread with tomato. Instead of mustard or fat-free mayo, I spread some fat-free chipotle ranch dressing on it...delicious! I also had some cherries and a few bites of peach (I never got the chance to finish my peach...I was that busy!) For dinner I made multi-grain shell pasta and topped it with sauce I made by browning ground beef with mushrooms and garlic, and adding canned tomato sauce to it. Jarred sauce is not ok on SF because it has...SUGAR!!! I will probably have some grapes later. After my first bowl of pasta I wanted more (it had been a LOOONG time since I'd had pasta.) The one thing about SF that makes me nervous is the idea of eating "until you're satisfied." Ummm, if I could do that, would I have a weight problem??? I took a little more and, about half-way through, I realized that I was starting to feel a little bit full. Instead of just finishing what was there, I put it back in the pot with the rest. Now I have lunch for tomorrow. Go me.

I definitely feel like my experience with W30 has made the transition to SF pretty easy. I am used to (and very good at) reading labels, and I do not have a problem eliminating processed foods and sugar (artificial sweeteners are allowed on SF, but I am choosing to limit those as much as possible.) I've also decided to stay away from things like fat-free cheese, fat-free mayo, etc. I did buy a fat-free salad dressing, mainly because SF limits olive oil to 2 tsps a day (anything over that has to be counted.) I would prefer to save my 2 tsps for cooking, like I did tonight to brown the ground beef. One reason that I am avoiding fat-free cheese is that I have not found organic fat-free cheese...I'm not even sure that it exists. I also don't particularly like fat-free cheese (for example, I could've had fat-free ricotta with my pasta tonight, but I HATE fat-free ricotta!) I have also read that many fat-free products have a lot of added sugar to give them more taste. Why avoid fat and overdose on sugar? Makes no sense.

The whole low-fat thing is the one issue I'm wrestling with after doing almost two W30's. On the W30 you are encouraged to eat healthy fats, like olives, olive oil, avocado, nuts, etc. Aside from 2 tsps of olive oil, none of the things I just mentioned are "free" on SF. During a W30 if you are hungry, you are told to make sure that you've eaten enough fat. I'm having a hard time deciding what I believe and what I want to do. I think that I may end up adding some avocado or olives to a salad or sandwich, etc., perhaps once a day. I'm not sure. The only time I felt hungry today was at the end of my work day which was at 7pm, and I was ready for dinner. Overall this seems like a very doable plan for me, and the perfect transition from W30 back to a more long-term sustainable way of eating.

Reunited and it Feels So Good!

Today was my first real day back on WW, and it felt like coming home. For the past 25 years or so, I've either been on WW or off WW. When I first started, the program consisted of exchanges (so many "bread", so many "protein"...or were they called "meat"?, etc.), and I was given the amounts for a child...that's how long it's been. I've followed the program through many changes, most recently from points to points plus (which I resisted for a long time, because I lost my weight with points), and I'm sure I will be along for many more changes in the future. The thing is that no matter how it changes, it is the program that has always worked for me, as long as I work the program. That's what I started doing today, and it felt very comfortable and familiar.

Aside from getting up with the dogs twice, I slept until 11:45 this morning. I can't remember when I last did that, but if I only have one day off, I'm going to take advantage of it! I then went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the bike, and then it was off to Shop Rite. I feel like I should take a Xanax before I go to Shop Rite on a Sunday. I usually zip through there, but I was trying to buy mostly SF foods and, since I'm not 100% familiar with the plan yet, I had to keep stopping to look things up on my phone. No matter what obscure thing I put myself in front of to try and be out of the way, inevitably someone had to have exactly that item at exactly that moment. At one point, a man was trying to look at what I was blocking, and was whistling so loudly! Of course I ended up in the same aisle with him every few minutes, and he was either whistling or clapping. Ugh!

I got a bunch of stuff, and then headed to a sub shop for what would be my breakfast (other than a banana) and lunch. I was in the mood for tuna, so I got a 6" tuna on wheat with lettuce and tomato. I don't always like tuna, but this was DELICIOUS! On WW E-tools, a 6" tuna on wheat from Subway is 12 points plus (pp), and in my Eat Out book it's 13...guess what I chose? I watched a little TV, did some laundry, and then at 4:30 I went upstairs and took a nap until 5:45...yep, I slept until 11:45 and then took a nap! Hey, at least when I'm sleeping I can't think about food! I woke up, fed the dogs, showered, and got sushi. I got an Alaska roll, a Christmas roll and a California roll, and my best estimate based on my Eat Out book (which I love!) was 10 pp. So my sandwich plus my sushi, an iced coffee with skim milk (1 pp) and a coffee with 3 TBSP of coconut milk (3 pp) put me right at 26, my limit for the day. I'll have a cup of cantaloupe for dinner (0 pp.)

Last night I spent a lot of time looking at WW recipes on Pinterest, and I started a WW board, but I'm not going to attempt any of the them this week, because I didn't have time to cook today. This week I'm going to try to do SF, so I'll have stir fry one night, whole wheat pasta with meat sauce another, a burger and maybe home made sweet potato fries one night, etc. I'm thinking I will end up tracking on the weekends and doing SF during the week, when I have more control of what I'm eating (meaning that I know in advance.)

I'm way over my points for the week. I went for ice cream last night with my brother, SIL, niece and nephew (I had a peanut butter shake float with vanilla ice cream and it was just ok.) I also went way over on Friday, before I knew that I was going to start WW this week, but I'm not worried. It feels so good to know that I can have anything I want, and that I don't have deny myself anything. I enjoyed everything I ate last night and today, and today I was right on plan.

I did lose 6 lbs on the W26.5, as well as 0.5" on my waist and 0.5" on my hips. Not what I was hoping for, but better than nothing. I'm feeling rejuvenated, satisfied, and motivated. I'm hopeful that by my 4 year anniversary of hitting goal this November, I'll be back to where I want to be!

Whole 26.5

I'm done. I was driving home from work at about 3pm and I was STARVING. I have very little food in the house, and I was trying to figure out what I could have for dinner (I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow.) My choices were some kind of meat which I'd have to defrost and then cook, along with some vegetables, or another salad from Saladworks, which would be my 3rd in 4 days. I've been up since 6am, and worked from 8-3. The defrosting/cooking thing was not happening, and the idea of another salad made me want to scream. Then I figured out that out of the last 111 days, I've been W30 compliant for 56.5 of them. I decided that that was more than enough. I am done.

I came home and had a banana, and I'm thinking of getting a 6" turkey sub on a wheat roll with mustard, veggies, no cheese for dinner...I'm REALLY craving a sandwich! My first thought was ICE CREAM, and that will either happen tonight or tomorrow, but then I became sort of frozen. I want to relax my standards, but I don't want to go nuts. I was thinking sushi rolls, but those don't really fill me up unless I eat too many of them. The sandwich sounds really good!

I came home and tracked my food for yesterday (as best as I could remember) and today. I checked with my leader, and I can do SF some days and tracking others. I'm sure that I will be over my weekly allowance this week, because I AM going to allow myself to have an ice cream this weekend, and my food yesterday added up to a lot of points. I also have a bunch of stuff going on this week, so between now and next Friday I will only get to the gym twice. I'm not too concerned about that right now. I just want to get back in the habit of tracking, so that I can really start up again on Friday.

I looked up a thick shake float in my Eating Out book...a large is between 34 and 41 points. That may sound crazy, but to me it's worth it. It will be nice to have one, track it, enjoy it, and not feel guilty. I'm happy that the place I go for it is only open in the summer!

I have to weigh myself tomorrow morning, but I think I've lost about 6 lbs on this W30, which is very disappointing, considering I lost almost 15 in April. If I'm being honest, I stretched the rules this time. I ate nothing off-plan, but I ate more often than I should have, and compliant things that were high in calories.

So what's the take-home this time? I don't know. Am I glad I did the W30? In April, absolutely! This time, I'm not sure. However, I lost 6 lbs in 28 days. If I had continued the way I was going, I probably would've gained at least 10 more lbs in that time, so for that reason I am glad. It's also made me excited about the WW program again, and I'm ready to really get back to doing the things I did when I originally lost the 40 lbs almost 4 years ago. I didn't notices any huge changes this time, and I'm not sure why. I think it was harder for me to be aware, because I was waiting for things to happen instead of experiencing them as they did. I think that the W30 is a great thing for anyone to try, because I had such an amazing experience the first time, and there are some aspects of it that I will continue with. Whether doing more than one is beneficial, for me I'd say that the answer was not really.

Now We're Talking!

It's Friday, and we all know what that means...WW meeting! And when you're a lifetime member trying to get back to within 2 lbs of your goal so that you won't have to pay, it means walking up to the scale with your wallet. That's just what I did this morning...but I was down 2.4 lbs from last week AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO PAY!!! It's funny because I felt like I was stretching the limits of the W30 guidelines this week, and I exercised less than last week, but I guess all my hard work from last week caught up with me this week. That put me in a good mood as I headed in to work. We were short-staffed because of vacations, but the day went smoothly. My work weeks alternate between M-F and T-Sa. That means I either have a 3 day weekend or a 1 day weekend. This week is a 1 day weekend, which is not my favorite, but I've put a positive spin on it (see what a 2.4 lb weight-loss can do to a girl?) It's going to be REALLY hot again tomorrow. If I were off, I could either go swim in the pool which, according to my SIL who was there today, feels like bath water, or I could sit home and have the dogs stare at me, wanting to go out. I might as well go to work.

I'm pretty committed to trying the Simply Filling WW technique. I'm not sure what I will do next Wednesday and Thursday...I may just try to eat like a "normal" person (I know, good luck with that) one. My WW week starts Friday and my W30 ends Tuesday, so I may just let my brain relax a little bit for a few days. My friend sent me this link, which explains exactly what foods are considered "Simply Filling", meaning that you can eat them (until satisfied) without tracking them. Anything else must be tracked, and comes out of my 49 weekly points. I don't have to do Simply Filling every day in a week, I can track some days, but I believe that I can't pick and choose meals to track and others (in the same day) to do SF. I have to check on that and get back to you.

Last night I was thinking that maybe I could not follow a "plan" and just eat less/better, and lose these last 10-13 lbs that way. That seems to work for both of my sisters. When they lose weight and I ask them how they did it, they say things like, "I cut out sweets" or "I started walking." How annoying! Why does it seem to be that simple for other people, but not for me? I know that that kind of thinking is pointless, but I'm still allowed to be mad at my sisters for being able to do that. Isn't that what sisters are for???

Just in case any of you are losing sleep, thinking that I won't be blogging after Tuesday, FEAR NOT!! I still have a long way to go to get back to where I want to be, and then I need to stay there and, as the subtitle of this blog states, losing the weight is ultimately the easy part. And, if I run out of weight-loss stories for you, I can always write about my dogs...